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[An Empty Canvas]'s Journal

Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

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  2003.06.06  16.30
The end

Alright, well this journal fucked up. So I got a new one.

www.livejournal.com/users/thisfaintmemory

So along with a new journal, I have a new friends list. Comment if you still want to be on it, and I'll add according to.

Ciao.



Mood: blank
 
 


 
  2003.06.05  14.29
I'm waiting for blood to flow to my fingers ♥

Someone... Anyone... Tell me what I want anymore.



Mood: blank
 
 


 
  2003.05.30  15.25
It's not kill or be killed: it's stand of fall ♥

Why not update with pictures?

Wah la.Collapse )



Mood: drained
 
 


 
  2003.05.25  11.36
Yay for sailors ♥


Look! Me in the kitchen! Woo!


Oh, and a couple more PicturesCollapse )



Mood: nerdy
 
 


 
  2003.05.21  14.29
I pull her bandages and watch her fall to pieces ♥

We had our awards assembly at school today. I got one for the Michigan Merit award [scholarship], Hospitality and Food Service [Medal...only one person gets it outta all of the vocational courses. Hell yeah \m/], VICA, and another sone for Hospitality and Food Service [664 hours out of 720. Not bad.]

Today's one of my days off work... that in itself makes this day badass. I figure since I have time today, I'm gonna clean out my car, clean my room, and do my Government paper. [Yes, my last day of school is Friday and I have a government paper due tomorrow.]

Rob wants me to go to Junior party... and so do a lot of people. I really do too, but I'm so torn. It's Friday, and I have to work Friday at 4 til 10. So I figured, "Hey, I'll just stop out there after work!" But now that I backtrack that idea, I realize it won't work - James is coming Friday [possibly.] And I don't want him to have to wait out at my house and shit while I'm working AND mingling. *sighs* I don't know. :(

I like the junior class a lot more than mine tho :) My class is a bunch of stuck up s.o.b.'s! Hmph.

You know how it's May, and you know how May usually means it's just about summer time. Yeah, well it's still fucking 50 here. We had, maybe, one nice day out of the entire two past months. I mean, I'm not one to complain over the collness because I hate hot days, but sometimes it's just too much. So I suggest packing fairly nice clothes, dear.

Does anyone know anything about the Libyan Conflict and Qaddafi Muammar? [Ugh]

I hit Andras in the nuts today <3 I didn't mean to, of course. It just happened. He sits behind me in 3rd hour, so I was standing up and he smacks my ass really hard. So I turn around and give him the "HEY!" look and he just started laughing. So at the end of the hour, I took Dave's keychain [which happens to be two thin ropes with a big chunk of plastic in the middle and two beads at the end] and tried smacking Adras's ass with it while he was standing up. That didn't work so he bent over for me and stuck it out so a person with more cordination than me could hit it. So I drew back the keychain and smacked him... just... not in the ass. It went under and hit him in the doo-bobbers. I felt almost bad when he was laying in a fetal position on the heating vent, til he said "I am sooo gonna get you back!" I didn't feel bad anymore :)

Has everyone gotten a graduation announcement and a senior picture that wanted one? [Just checking.]

All school dress up day, and I'm wearing my canvas pants, sandals, button up shirt, and tie. I need more of these outfits :D Well, mainly I just need more button up shirts! Hellz yeah! {That's right... the "z" makes it soooo much cooler.]

I think someone should help me clean my car. Yep, I'll get too bored with it. I think someone should draw me pictures and send em to me too! :) hehe That'd be fun

There's something wrong with my eye! There's a bump on it and it makes me mad >:( I'm gonna take a pair of finger nail clippers and cut a little hole in it today when I get home to see what's in it. *pre-snipping cringe*

Long update. Nothing to talk about. Leave me pictures.



Mood: busy
 
 


 
  2003.05.17  18.15
I'll stop the world and melt with you ♥



Yes, that's THIS Sunday! I GRADUATE THIS UPCOMING SUNDAY!! Just in case any of you guys are interested. :) I'm having an open house type thing too, and if you wanna go, just lemme know, and I'll give you the details!

[I'll make a real update one of these days.]



Mood: creative
 
 


 
  2003.05.15  12.29
Erm, I, Uhh..

I really hope Joe didn't need a ride to school today... :X



Mood: hopeful
 
 


 
  2003.05.12  01.19
Ceilings don't exist and there are no floors beneath me ♥

My Journal looks so... Indie... now. *Scratches her head*

One of these days I'll find a layout I can stick with.

...Really.



Mood: accomplished
 
 


 
  2003.05.10  18.01
I Think I'm Screwed

I go down to Traverse in a few months, and I was supposed to be going with Randi and Beth. Yeah, well Randi and I don't talk much anymore and Beth might be moving to fucking Alaska.

Now what?



Mood: worried
 
 


 
  2003.05.09  13.33
James...



And you know for what :) Ya know, when we're not pissing each other off, you're really sweet. *wink* Haha


 
 


 
  2003.05.05  13.24


Elizabeth is hiccuping. Right in my head. MY HEAD!



Mood: dorky
 
 


 
  2003.05.03  11.29
There's Fire in the Sky

I went to the Junior play ["Done to Death"] last night. It sucked, because that play just sucks in general, and Mrs. Wilson, the one who chose it, sucks also. But watching Joe, Andras, Courtney, Jeremiah, Drew, and Mike made it worth watching. I guess I could never be a play critic. If something goes wrong during it to make me laugh so damn much I'd say it's good. [When in reality, the play itself sucked.] It's showing again tonight at 7:30 so I might go again. *Thinks* Probly not tho.

Prom's next Friday. That's kinda scary :( I got a really pretty dress tho. Maybe I'll post some pictures. Altho, I am going to Music World before I go to it to show my dress and such to Rob, if anyone else wants to meet me there to get pictures <3 [Yes, this includes you, Steve! I want to see you sometime and this is one of those times!]

I've been hanging out with Joe and Nick a lot lately. More Joe than Nick tho. Not because I don't like Nick or hanging out with him. Just coz.. We play pool a lot.

Speaking of pool, the only place where we can play pool really is at the bowling alley. And they have one table out front where anyone could play, and 2 in the back [bar] where only people 21+ can play. So last night, Joe, Nick, and Ricky and I go there to play, and there are guys there that are WELL OVER 21 playing. So we ask one of the chicks in the bar if we could play there because of that reason, and she's like, "No, you're not 21 or older." Fuck that. It's bullshit that we can't play pool in the back if there are older guys that play pool where we should :( So we had to wait an hour to play. *sighs*

Rob let me take Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance for PS2. I like it... it rocks. \m/ [Except I suck and I wanna play with Katana, but I'm too lazy to go on the journey to get koins to get her! Grr]

I have an appointment in an hour so I'm gonna get a shower and prepare for that.

[Oh yeah, I changed the look of my journal. I know, it's hot.]



Mood: complacent
 
 


 
  2003.05.01  00.15
It's All in How You Mix the Two

Boogieman7: Dude, he fucking used you....that really pisses me off
SuffocatedStar: me too
Boogieman7: You don't deserve shit like that, you are a hot fucking girlfriend. I'd be all about any girl that could even be one fourth the woman you are

<3



Mood: indescribable
 
 


 
  2003.04.29  10.56
An Update on an Update

I think so.Collapse )



Mood: bitchy
 
 


 
  2003.04.29  00.13
You Kissed Me Like You Meant It

Ugh. Today was so fucking retarded. First, I get broken up with in a note. Yes, you heard me right, in a note!!! Holy shit. I fucking graduate in less than three weeks, and I'm still getting broken up with in notes! *Shakes her fist* For a really confusing [*coughlamecough*] reason too. *Ponder*

And then, [as it always seems to happen], two guys express their love for me. But it's not the guy thingy that I like. :( I hate that shit. I fucking hate it. ARGH.

I'm fucking pissed, and cold.

Lame lame lame lame.

N



Mood: angry
 
 


 
  2003.04.25  11.20
A Pointless Update to Take Up Time

Tuesday. MEAP day for juniors. 3rd Hour - Econ. Econ = Junior class. All of the given information means that Jess is sittin in her Economics [that just turned into Spanish 1] class, doing complete shit. On a keyboard that's more like a typewriter with it's clicks and buttons that are sticking. Mother fucker.. ugh. And there's another computer in here that works perfectly fine, but someone else is on it just so she can play FUCKING MINESWEEPER. Stupid foriegn exchange chick. *Crosses arms*

It's Rachel's dad's birthday today! I'm gonna go out at lunch to get him a cake from Super Walmart. Yeeeaaah. She's buying me lunch for it, so that's rockin, yeah \m/

I showed up at Jesse's house this morning with breakfast to get him all pumped up and ready for his MEAPs... bastard was still sleeping. *Snarls* Lucky for him, he's cute.

I just had the stupidest thought: "Hey, I like stars. I should change my journal name to something with a star in it!" *Smacks forehead*

I need to start changing my eye pictures to star pictures coz I think I like them more. *bounces* Send me star pictures!

Nick and I are supposed to sharpen up on our pool skills today so we can whoop Jesse and Josie's asses. \m/ [I still think they'll be better than us, but I don't care. *Scoff* At least I've been trying to practice.

Our last day is a month from today. </3>Jesse</a>. [Assuming he can get his ticket back from his stupid ex girlfriend.]

Hey look honey! You got your name in my journal 3 times! \m/

It's only 11:19. We leave at fuckin 11:40. I still have 20 minutes to bullshit in this loud, gay class.

Dear God save me.



Mood: bored
 
 


 
  2003.04.21  01.25
She'll Destroy Us All Before She's Through

Think of football.

Think of getting the ball thrown to you for the perfect chance to score the game-winning touchdown.

Think of the crowd cheering.

The cheerleaders chanting.

Then.

Think of fumbling.

Like a mother fucker.

That's you.



Mood: disappointed
 
 


 
  2003.04.20  14.01
Goodbye to You, You're Taking Up My Time





Mood: bitchy
 
 


 
  2003.04.17  00.47
I'd Give You My Hand if You'd Reach Out and Grab It

Joe and I played pool today. I had fun hanging out with him, but it still sucked coz he beat me. :( [I hit the 8 ball in on my second shot... I know, I'm pro.]

Ugh, I'm in such a weird mood. I think I'm romantically deprived. I need someone to snuggle, someone to spoil, and someone to do cute stuffs for. I need someone right now that I can get flowers for and leave on their doorstep or in their car while they're not expecting it. Or make cookies for, or cards, or stuff. And I need someone to do almost the same thing for me. *Scratches her head* Someday.

I need a guy that isn't bothered by exhibitionism. [Not like fucking on the streets, but doesn't care about showing affection in public or with his friends.] And a guy that knows how to be sweet, and doesn't always do what you tell him, but does the important things that you do tell him. That wears bracelets, has tattoos, piercings, and dark hair. And knows how to dress so I don't have to dress him unless I want to. And smells good, and doesn't mind cooking or something for me every now and again. A guy that likes to suprise me, likes to snuggle, likes to be sweet and doesn't care if it makes him look like a wuss or "whipped" in front of anyone. Someone that can hang out with me and his friends, whether alone or in the same place without feeling restricted.

I want a guy that acknowledges me as a girlfriend and a friend. *Shakes head* Who knows tho. All the guys that I seem to like recently haven't turned out to have the same interest in me. It's gay, it sucks, and it makes me sad. Then the guy I like now is just like, "Oh, hey, there's Jess, or something." I'm not asking for much, he could treat me [almost] like he does now and that wouldn't be so bad, but.. I don't even know where I'm getting with this. The thing is, I do, but I can't express it.

*Sighs* I need a snuggle. Someone is gonna come here and snuggle me tomorrow night, dammit. Who wants to come snuggle and spend the night with me?! I'll cook! [?] :(

At any rate, whoever wants to do something tomorrow, call, and if it keeps ringing, I'm online.

Ciao.



Mood: lonely
 
 


 
  2003.04.14  01.01
What a Great Fucking Weekend



If you make "week" "weekend", then that's enough of an update that you need.



Mood: high
 
 


 
  2003.04.12  12.26
#@%!

I fucking hate getting ganged up on on something that I didn't even do! Why the FUCK is everything and everyone against me?!

I shouldn't get anymore friends. Or at least hang out with them because if I do, I risk something and I get looked badly upon for it.

What the fuck ever. I don't fucking need this.

And I'm beyond over this shit.



Mood: frustrated
 
 


 
  2003.04.06  23.46
Techno Jess!!

Boogie down!Collapse )



Mood: amused
 
 


 
  2003.04.06  22.03
I Think I'm Losing This Game

What a fucking long weekend. Holy shit, I'm going to fucking knock someone's fucking ass out now. Holy fuck.

Friday
Snow day... it's starting out great! Then the phone call. I call Rachel's to see what's up, and I end up talking to Holly. She asks me if I'm coming out there tonight, and I'm looking out the window thinking, "Uhhh no..." Then her and Rachel sucker me into coming out there because they say a bunch of people are coming and we're all just gonna hang out. So I say "...Okay...", and I start heading out into the blizzard to drive for 50 minutes. Wee hee. [And in my little Saturn nonetheless.] So being that my car hates the snow, we get stuck. Thank God it's only in the beginning of Rachel's driveway tho. So I'm thinkin "Okay" and run up to the house to tell them that I'm here, but my car's stuck.

Yeah. Fucking right a lot of people were gonna be there - 5. [INCLUDING me]. Whatever. I go in and Jesse and Adam help me drag the car up to the driveway with the jeep. So I'm sittin in that hell hole waiting for people to come over... no one shows up, and I don't fucking blame em.

Saturday
I end up staying out there all day because when I wake up and look at my car - IT'S GONE! Not really tho... it's just fucking BURIED. Fuck. It all ends up that they say they'll pull me out Sunday, but I have to stay with them another night. FUCK THAT. That's the night that a few people came out. One being Jesse Hyde, who had a bet with Baker that he could sleep with me that night. Haha, that's one bet he fucking lost. Cabin fever begins to set in.

That brings us to today. Even tho that's a really abridged version because I don't feel like typing everything out.

One thing that pissed me off about having to go out there is, well, I'm fucked out of a car for a while. The tire seemed to be coming off of the rim. So Jesse had to take me home and the car's still at Rachel's. We're gonna look closer at it tomorrow. Mom was pissed.

Speaking of Jesse's...
Jesse Sems, your ass is mine for the beating, fucker! Grrr.

I need to go shower.



Mood: irritated
 
 


 
  2003.04.03  22.42
Rescue Me Before I Fall Into Despair

Alright, where are all my little schemers?! I need a plan to get my mom to buy me clothes because I need new ones. :'( But she pinches her pennies so there's no hope in just flat out asking, "Hey mom, wanna get me a shirt or two?" *Sighs* I need Audie's to hurry and open up.


Isn't this the cutest dog in the world? Yes.


Do guys often wonder what it's like to be a girl? And vice versa? Or am I the only one that wants to spring a cock for a day or two? I think I'd be an awesome guy. I'd definitly be emo. <3Emo guys<3

Apparently Kelly Simmons is just a big slut. Yeah, okay, so I don't like her. But I found out today that she fucked Matty B over too! [About a month ago, but I don't fucking care. I'm a girl, I carry grudges.] I really hope I don't turn into those user type of girls.

I'm definitly on my hands and knees begging for a snow day tomorrow. I can hear the wind whipping against my window.

Where's James ? He signed my journal and he was never online. And I haven't talked to him in a while. Why is it that he can have fun and I can't?! Damn him for having a social life - I'ma kick his ass. You hear me?! Your ass is mine.

Must go scheme mom. [Any ideas are welcome.]



Mood: restless
 
 


 
  2003.04.03  16.11
Fucking Mother Fuckers

I'm so fucking irrate. So fucking fucking irrate.

I take Randi home every day. I take Sarah home frequently. And do I ever ask for gas money? Nope. Do I ever hold it against them that I gave them a ride when asking for a future favor? Nope. The only thing I have ever asked of them is to pump my gas for me. Not once has it happened this winter. [I say winter because I think Sarah pumped for me in the fall.]

So I'm taking them both home today, and I'm on E. I pull into the gas station and ask Sarah if she'd pump my gas for me. She crosses her arms, shakes her head, and says "no!" like that's supposed to fucking amuse me. So I turn and beg Randi. She just shakes her head at me. What the fucking hell. It's 23 degrees, snowing hard, and I'm sick and wearing a thin sweater made from yarn and a fucking tank top underneath. So not only am I paying to tote their asses where ever the fuck they have to go, but I also have to get myself even sicker and more miserable. I'm fucking pissed. I fucking hate that shit.

I hate being so fucking nice and getting shit on - by girls and guys alike.

I don't even yell at them for saying "no." I simply pump my gas, go pay, get back in the car, and I refuse to say a fucking word. So then I drop them off where they need to be, and I get the, "I'll call you when I get home!" and "Call me later so we can hang out!" Fuck them and fuck that. I'm not gonna keep chauffering their disrespecting asses around. I'm broke. I don't have a job right now, and I'm the only one it bothers.

Fuck them. I'm not fucking taking them home any mother fucking more. They need to find a new ride because I am done. I've had it.

I'll calm down later, but for now, let me stay pissed.



Mood: pissed off
 
 


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